For the previous editions of the Coconut Queen, see the Never Ending Stories Page.

By 10 a.m., Essie’s rage had turned to pure panic.  She was late to class and hadn’t given the coconut to anybody.

“Who the hell am I supposed to give this to?” she bellowed to the three ancient sisters twittering in the kitchen.  They looked up from their various projects, identical looks of shock on their wrinkled faces.

“Such language,” scolded Zelda.

“This is a family bakery!” screeched Etta, fluttering her hands.  Flour floated around her, landing gently on her spectacles and sprinkle and now icing laden grey curls.  “Oh no!” she screamed.  “I’ve gone blind!  The cataracts have gotten me after all!”  Wailing, she began to run around the kitchen in circles.

“Essie, only you can know who to give the coconut too!” Freda yelled over Etta’s hysterical screams.  She grabbed Etta’s apron strings and tied them to the table.  As the old woman ran in place screeching about Ray Charles, Freda yanked her glasses off her nose and blew on them.  She gave the lenses a quick wipe on her apron and set them back on Etta’s nose.

“Praise the Lord!” Etta shrieked.  “I can see!”  Folding her arms, she fell to her knees in rapture and began thanking the heavens in her native tongue.

Freda leaned through the ordering window and patted Essie May’s arm.  “See, dear, what Mrs. Bumfrey is wanting to do is reconnect you to what Coconut is.  I mean, just imagine the man who carried these for his wife for hundreds of miles!  Imagine how the women who opened the bakery felt.  Not only could they feed their families, but they could educate them.  They could pay doctor bills and eat meat every day.  And as the town grew, they could wear fine dresses and buy nice things.  They could have carriages and attend theater, everything they had left behind in their homeland.”

“Don’t you see, Essie?”  Freda grasped her hands.  “Being the Coconut Queen is more than wearing a crown and putting on a fancy dress.  It’s honoring the very history of this town, the very beginning.  You’re living out the dreams of hundreds of past Coconutians.”

“Yes, that’s all quite lovely,” Essie May replied impatiently.  “It’s a very important event.  I get that.”  She shook the coconut in front of Freda’s face.  “But that doesn’t give me any more of an idea of who to give this stupid coconut too!”

Freda sighed.  “Mrs. Bumfrey was right.  You’re not ready.”   She shook her head, showering Essie with pink sprinkles and baby powder.  “Just be careful who you give it to, dear.  For every wrong choice you make, you have an extra day added to the fourteen.  And three days after the fourteen, it’s the contest.  So you’ve only got a buffer of three mistakes.”

“I don’t need a buffer,” Essie May growled through gritted teeth.  “I’ll have no problem giving this coconut away.  As soon as I figure out who to give it to!”

“Why, I do declare!  Essie May!  Is that you?”

Freda melted back into the kitchen, scurrying away from Essie May’s face.  Even Etta and Zelda backed away into the pantry, muttering something about needing more cream and sugar for their coconut scones.

Exhaling slowly, Essie May plastered a smile on her face.  She turned slowly.  “Hello, Queenie.”

“Why, Essie May, I had no idea you were a working girl!” Queenie exclaimed.  She blinked her mascara-laden lashes and pouted her bright pink lips.  Her white blond hair was sculpted into a up-do meant to look as if she’d simply pinned up her curls and rolled out of bed.  Essie May knew the look well.  She had spent three weeks perfecting it.

“I’m not working here,” Essie May cooed, laying on her accent.  If Queenie wanted to play, she’d play.  “I’m doing this as a favor for Miss Louise.”

“Miss Louise?” Queenie stepped back, her tarantula lashes blinking furiously.  “Beauty Queen Extraordinaire Miss Louise?”

“That’s the one.”  This time, Essie May’s smile was genuine.

“But I thought she was retired!” Queenie burst out.

“She agreed to work with me as a personal favor,” Essie May drawled.  “You know how it goes.”

Queenie’s eyes narrowed into slits for a brief second.  Then she flashed her perfect, white straight teeth and simpered.  “Well, I am pleased to hear you’re not having financial troubles, with the economy and all.  My daddy would have been happy to help if your father was finding himself in trouble.  Especially with all our connections in France.  I’m sure you heard we spent spring break there.  I got the most gorgeous dress for the competition.  My trainer there said it was tres magnifique!”

Essie May gripped the coconut so hard her knuckles turned white.  “So I heard,” she breathed, trying to keep her voice airy.

Queenie’s eyes focused on the coconut and she squealed.  “Oh, my my my!  Are you the one handing out the coconuts this year?”

“Why do you ask?” Essie May asked, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

Queenie patted her updo and smirked.  “Well, I know it’s a positively childish tradition, but my sister and I always tried to see who could get the most every year.  I know she hasn’t gotten one yet and it would kill her if I got one first.”

Essie May smiled broadly.  The only person she hated worse than Queenie was Queenie’s sister.  “What a shame,” she murmured, clicking her tongue.  “I’m afraid this coconut has already found it’s owner.”

“Who?” Queenie demanded.  “Who’s better than me?”

Essie May opened her mouth in a perfect circle, widening her eyes deliberately.  “Well, me, of course,” she drawled.  “But don’t worry, Queenie.  There are thirteen more.  Perhaps you’ll get one.”

Queenie scowled and threw a ten dollar bill at Essie May.  “I didn’t want the stupid coconut anyway,” she hissed, tightening her grip on her purse strap.  “Do enjoy your day working.” Turning on her pink kitten heels, Queenie stormed out of the bakery.  She slammed the glass door behind her, the plastic open sign swinging violently.

Essie May burst into laughter.  Thrusting the coconut in the air, she whooped with joy.  “Essie 1, Queenie 0!” she crowed.  “Did ya’ll see that?”  She whirled around in her seat towards the three baking sisters.  Their grey heads were bowed as their hands kneaded small balls of dough.

“Did ya’ll see that?” she cried.  She leaped off her chair and rushed into the kitchen. “Did ya’ll see the look on her face?  It was priceless!”

“We saw,” Freda informed her quietly.

“Unfortunately,” Zelda muttered.

“So sad,” Etta wailed.

“What?” Essie May demanded.  “What’s up with everyone?”  She glanced at the three solemn faces and her cheeks grew hot.  “Now, listen here!” she shouted.  “I’ve been asking you all morning who I should give the coconut too!  No one said a word.  This is not fair.”

“It may not be fair,” Mrs. Bumfrey drawled behind her.  “But you weren’t fair.”

Essie whirled around.  “What do you mean?  You didn’t tell me anything about this.  You just said to pick someone deserving.  Well, I picked me!  I’ve worked my butt off all morning after being at pageant classes all night.  The last thing I was going to do was give the coconut to Queenie.”

Mrs. Bumfrey only shook her head.  “You have a lot to learn, child.”  Pressing her lips together, she tottered out of the room.

Gritting her teeth together, Essie’s eyes traveled to the shelf.  Fourteen coconuts stared down at her.

She had made her first mistake.

To be continued…

Stay tuned, Invisible Friends! Tomorrow we have a tasty recipe that’s a delicious summer pie!  Friday we have a new Twirl and Saturday, a new creative woman of the Pond!  Stay tuned!