The Blond Duck Goes to a Ranch
A few weeks ago, my mother, sister and I went to a dude ranch about an hour from the Pond for Danielle’s 21st birthday.
It was there I discovered something sinister.
Something disheartening.
But we’re not to that part of our tale yet.
It started out well enough. As it was a half-day adventure at the ranch sort of thing, we checked in and had about half an hour before lunch. So we went up a hill to play on their obstacle course.
The ranch also has a fitness camp, so they often march poor souls up here in the Texas heat for a military style bootcamp.
I am Queen of the Ranch.
But not Queen of the Pond.
After lunch of beef tacos, we went on a trail ride. This goat wanted to come along, and was quite disturbed to find out he couldn’t.
And after the trail ride, that’s when I discovered the truth.
The terrible, nagging truth.
This was not my idea. I was forced to do this. You can’t see it, but I am terrified.
The Blond Duck is not suited to be a cowgirl.
You see, I’ve been around horses for most of my life. I’ve been riding dozens of times and was even in a riding club in college. Senior year, Ben and I went out to one of his professor’s ranches all the time to help feed horses (they adored carrots) and help him muck out stalls, haul stuff, etc.
I just went for the baby horses.
And although I listen to country music, wear boots and jeans and like to ride and hang out on ranches, I am not a cowgirl.
You see, I can’t deal with the brusque cowboys who shout, snort and spit.
Or the harsh realities of the ranch world, like sick animals.
Or the idea of having to fix fences in 100 degree heat or 30 degree winters. (That’s cold to us, ya’ll!)
Or the idea of scorpions in my boots, rattlesnakes on the porch, branding cows….
Distressed that my dreams of growing old with Ben on a ranch scattered with ponies and puppies may never come to fruition, I called to wail about my shortcomings as a cowgirl. After listening to my whining and wuffling, Ben said calmly, “Darling, you don’t have to deal with sick animals or fix fences. I can hire a ranch manager for that. Besides, we don’t have to have goats and cattle. We can have puppies and one or two horses.”
“And chickens,” I added. “And ducks. And hamsters. Maybe a kitten or two, for the rats. Lots of baby animals.”
“Of course,” Ben said, most likely rolling his eyes.
Instantly, I was cheered.
I was so cheered I went on a hayride. And fed some horses out of the back of a truck, scattering hay from side of the ranch to the other.
For some day, years from now, I will have my own ranch.
A ranch of puppies and dogs! It will be glorious. Each puppy will get their own little stall with a comfy bed and lots of kibble and treats, they’ll have all sorts of fun places to go and play, lots of animal friends, all sorts of things to chew on and chase. They can howl under the night sky around a campfire of marshmallow smores made from dog treats…
And of course, Queen Bitty will rule over them all.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you I don’t keep it real, ya’ll.
Stay tuned, Invisible Friends! Tomorrow we have another part of our scary story, then a delicious recipe both delicate and cute! Friday, a new Dallas Jean and Saturday, more Creative Woman fun! Stay tuned!
October 13th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Wow this looks like it was a lot of fun. The pictures look great and it really shows how much you enjoyed yourself. And happy belated birthday to Danielle. – I’ve never been on a horse so I think it’s so cool that you got to ride a horse. I really hope you get the ranch one day
I hope you’re doing well.
All the best,
Carrie
October 13th, 2009 at 3:26 am
You are way braver than i am! I can’t imagine standing on a horse’s back like that. *shudder* I used to think i was cool when i rode without stirups. LOL
October 13th, 2009 at 3:43 am
And when you get that ranch, I’ll come and visit you!
October 13th, 2009 at 4:26 am
oh, i never doubted that you were a keep-it-real kinda gal. that’s why we get along so well. thanks for sharing pictures of your little excursion!
October 13th, 2009 at 4:45 am
As you know, I have horses here, but there is NO WAY that I would ever try THAT! Brave girl!
Hope I love my life, and just do as I do and employ someone to do all the hard work!
At the moment I am so behind with everything as I’m going back to our traditional Christmas Ball this year. I missed out on it last year, but time to get back to some normality in my life, and move on.
Big hugs!
October 13th, 2009 at 4:46 am
The picture of you standing on the horse terrifies ME too! Otherwise it looks like a wonderful day!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:11 am
How nice that you got to spend time with your sister!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Happy Bday to your sis! Even though I live on a farm…I am not much of a rough cowgirl. I like hot sexy cowboys…not those snort and spit kind…LOL!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:51 am
Looks like a great way to spend your sisters birthday. Bitty will enjoy ruling the ranch.
Ramona
October 13th, 2009 at 5:59 am
Keeping it real, indeed! Let someone else deal with the messy stuff, while you deal with the chickens and puppies.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Well, I love horses but you couldn’t have gotten me to stand in the saddle for anything. Brave girl. All I kept thinking was….is that horse going to move?
October 13th, 2009 at 6:19 am
You finally got your wish. I didn’t know you could do that trick riding stuff
October 13th, 2009 at 6:19 am
You two are adorable and I hope to retire on a ranch as well!
October 13th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Daaaaaaaahling, you dont need to be a cowgirl to be super fabulous. Just look at me and Queen Bitty. We rule with attitude and glam. You can do the same but just wearing boots with encrusted in Swarovski crystals on them. Ya know? It can be like your signature.Take it from a housewife who also knows a thing or two about keeping it real *wink*
October 13th, 2009 at 6:41 am
WOOT! A puppy ranch sounds fantastic. I will definitely need to come visit.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Beautiful pictures of you and your sister, and of you riding! You were standing on the horse very well indeed! Great post!
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There is an award for you on my blog!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:00 am
What a wonderful celebration !! It seems to me you are a wonderful horse’s lady !! Happy birthday to your sister !!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:06 am
I can’t believe you stood on a horse!! Your awesome! And so brave, much braver than I.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:09 am
You are seriously the busiest girl ever!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:24 am
You are more of a cow girl than you let on; but first you are The Queen!!
October 13th, 2009 at 8:11 am
ohmigod- standing up on a horse seems really daunting- thrilled that you have enough gumption to do it!
kHm
October 13th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Aw, that sounds amazing. But I thought a ranch had to involve cattle – but I’m only from Virginia, what do I know?
October 13th, 2009 at 8:22 am
30 degrees is cold to me too~~
October 13th, 2009 at 8:55 am
awww cute post! how fun that you got to go to a ranch…and he’s right, you can still be a cowgirl! just look at your awesome standing on horses skills!
October 13th, 2009 at 9:40 am
I like the idea of a puppy ranch. It has real possibilities
. The photos were terrific. It’s always nice to get to know more about you.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Shhh, we won’t tell! LOL Awesome that you got to spend some QT with your sis.
October 13th, 2009 at 10:05 am
That sounds like a fabulous ranch! I’ve always wanted to start something for dogs and cats and other animals, just making it happen is difficult! But you can always dream!
October 13th, 2009 at 10:36 am
This looks like it was such a fun time! I’m glad your sis had a great birthday!
October 13th, 2009 at 11:10 am
I don’t think I could stand on a horses back – you go girl! I love that Ben knows just what to say to make you feel better…he reminds me of my husband.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:33 am
What fun! I’m dying to go to a ranch with my daughter, who loveslovesloves horses.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
That looks like so much fun:-)
October 13th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
That sounds like the perfect dream to me!
October 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I like the idea of a puppy ranch much better than the other kind. I think nature is lovely – on calendars. Real nature is too much for me to handle. Bugs, slugs, and other things that make you go ugh.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
How fun!! I am not a cowgirl either. My hubby’s grandparents owned a farm and everytime we went there I would gag and gag. I can’t handle the smells.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Wow! that looks amazing. Pushing the boundaries is good for your soul! xoxo
Sc
October 13th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Chickens and puppies sounds perfect! I’m a roping and riding cowgirl only in my dreams. Living on a ranch actually holds great appeal for me. In reality, I’m more of a stand on the porch and call everyone in for dinner kind of gal. Or one that walks around offering iced tea to everyone.
And you Stood. On. A. Horse!!! I think there is more cowgirl in you than you think! And you know that when you and Ben have your magnificent ranch, you are the one that all the animals will flock to, just so they can share in your sunshine!
October 13th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Such cute pictures. What fun! I think you were plenty brave to get up there. No one could have forced me up there.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
You are too cute! I have to say..your idea of a ranch is so what I envision! Kittens, puppies, maybe a hamster. Not all the hard work and spit!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
and once you are on that ranch – you must invite me over for pie and ribs oh and some of your delicious mexican food!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
wow that looks really fun! The pictures are great.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
A ranch with puppies and horses! YEAH! I am hoping for a ranch with pupppies and chickens!
Happy birthday to Danielle! What a great way to spend the day.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
My grandfather always used to disappear out west, visiting various dude ranches all winter while we froze at home in PA. He never referenced the dark underbelly of the ranching life…and I’m glad you’ll be able to work around it!
October 13th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
What a fun post, duckie. Sister time is always special. I’m scared to death of horses. You make it look so easy. Although, you standing on the horse like that made be gasp! Happy Birthday to your sis. Ben is so “udderly” understanding:)
October 13th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
What a fun trip Duckie! We went to one kind of like that with the girls in our ward a couple of years ago. They loved riding the horses and being on the ranch!
XOXO\
Jen
October 13th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
How fun! My daughter and I love to ride whenever we get a chance.
Where is your cute cowgirl hat?
October 13th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
It so nice that you stopped by for a visit. It’ll be a fun rodeo ride getting to know one another.
Oh, I definitely think you can hold your own on the ranch, especially after witnessing the acrobatics on the horse.
Crowns and cowboy hats are the perfect ensemble…on or off the ranch….I think miss Bitty would agree.
Happy 21st Birthday to (sis) Danielle!
Sweet wishes,
Sara
October 13th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Oh wow standing on a horse, you did well girl.
xoxo
October 14th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Sounds like such a fun time! I love the picture of you standing on a horse, that was very brave!
October 14th, 2009 at 6:51 am
And when you have your own ranch, I’ll come cook for ya . . . peanut butter pies, peanut butter cakes, cookies, fudge . . . muffins. You name it! It’s yours! xxoo
October 14th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
What a fun day! I can’t believe you stood up on the saddle like that! Eeek!
I am scared of horses. :-X
October 14th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I could see you having a ranch. It would so cool if it was a ranch where guests could come and stay- a rugged kind of a spa.
October 14th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
How about a few kiddos on the Ranch? You won’t believe me but they are way more fun that puppies… REALLY!
October 14th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
LOL – beautiful post Duckie. Your ranch idea sounds like nirvana.