A Duck In Her Pond » the GLUG

The GLUG is concerned

Blond Duck — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:00:00 +0000

For those of you who don’t know the GLUG, read this!

I was hunched over my computer glaring at the screen when my eyes were filled with green.

“HELLLOOOO!!!!” a familiar voice bellowed from the bridge of my nose. “I’m back!”

“Really?” I asked in a sarcastic tone. “I couldn’t see that.”

“Oh! Sorry!” The GLUG cackled and peeled himself from my face. Floating down to my laptop, he plopped down on my keyboard and looked up at me hopefully.

“Do you have any tasty leaves?” he asked.

“Not with me,” I said.

He sucked in his breath and shook his fist at my face. “What’s wrong with you!” he cried. “I am the GLUG! The Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! How can you not have a steady supply of fresh tasty leaves on supply for me twenty four hours a day, seven days a week? What if I’m hungry? What if I’m sick? What if I’ve been lost on a journey and contracted a horribly deadly disease that only a fresh oak leaf will cure?”

I tried not to smile. “Ben’s in his room,” I informed him. “Why don’t you go pester him.”

“I don’t pester,” the GLUG snapped, scowling at me. “I enlighten. You should be grateful I took time out of my busy schedule to speak with you.”

“I am.” My smile was sincere. My voice was not.

“As you should be,” the GLUG sniffed, running his fingers across the letter G. “I have a concern to discuss with you.”

I raised my eyebrow as he continued. “I am not pleased with your blog.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because,” the GLUG growled. “There are no stories of animals! Where’s Ernie the earthworm? Where’s the animals in the Land of the Flowered Bed? Where are the argumentative birds? Where are the lizards, the spiders who desire golden hair? I want to read about critters! I don’t want to read about two teenagers in a dance hall or some girl that was dumb enough to get herself locked into a haunted diner. And I certainly don’t want to hear about Miss Pickles!”

“Then what should I write about?” I asked, trying not to giggle.

“MMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!” the GLUG bellowed. When I began to snicker, he pouted and stomped his foot onto my H key. “Or any other animals would do nicely. Why not the Land of the Flowered Bed?”

“Because,” I said, “I have plans for them.”

“What plans?” The GLUG leaned forward, his eyes shining.

“You’ll see soon enough,” I said.

Twisting his green face into a frown, he shook his head. “I want flying pigs,” he repeated emphatically. “I want spiders. I want more posts about ME. I want the argumentative birds back.”

“They haven’t been around!” I burst out. “I haven’t written about them because I haven’t seen them. I’m lucky if I see a fruit fly now days. There’s been no squirrels, birds or spiders. The only animals I see are the Babies.”

“And they are rather dull,” the GLUG sneered. “There is nothing Ginormous or Lime Green about them. They’re not even Unusual.”

I rolled my eyes. “So I should just write stories about you?” I asked.

The GLUG looked shocked. “Of course!” he cried. “For I am the Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! I am the celebrity of the bug world! I’m lean, green and a publicity machine!” He leaped into the air and zoomed out the door.

“I’m off to find Ben!” he cried behind him. “Tasty leaves please! And more animal stories! After all, I’m the Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! I know what people want!”

All I could do is laugh.

Seven things about the GLUG:

1) The GLUG was born inside a daisy on a dairy farm. To this day, he is terrified of cows’ noses.

2) The GLUG and Cookies hate each other. More will be revealed soon….

3) While the GLUG loves tasty leaves, he won’t eat grass.

4) In his spare time, the GLUG does needlepoint on flower petals with silk thread from his roommate, a spider.

5) The GLUG majored in Obnoxiousness at Gnat College. He was torn between Annoying and Exasperating, and even thought about going Pre-Pest.

6) The GLUG doesn’t know who his mother is. He was raised by the Queen of a Gnat colony.

7) The GLUG’s favorite dessert is chocolate chip cookies with a side of cheesecake.

Stay tuned Invisible Friends! Not only will we have a 7 things every day this week, but we’ll have all sorts of fun treats! We have a new dance hall dreamers and scary diner tale, along with tasty cinnamon rolls! Keep checking in all week!

The GLUG is concerned

The GLUG stops by for Christmas

Blond Duck — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 18:09:00 +0000

Tired and hungry, Ben hopped into his car on Christmas Eve. He was going to his Dad’s restaurant for some breakfast. He turned the ignition and began to back down the driveway. Suddenly, a green speck smacked the windshield with the force of a tennis ball. Ben slammed on his brakes in panic.

“HELLO!!” a familiar voice bellowed. “Did you miss me?” Ben stared angrily at the beaming GLUG on his windshield.

“What are you doing here?” Ben snapped. “Don’t you live in San Antonio? Why’d you follow me to Shreveport?”

“Who says it’s all about you?” the GLUG said airily. Ben looked at him wryly.

“Well, fine, it’s about you,” the GLUG admitted. “You see, I’m here to make sure you have a good Christmas.”

“I’d have a much better one if you would go away,”Ben muttered. “I’m hungry. You’re holding up my breakfast.”

“See, that’s your problem,” the GLUG said. He wandered down to the windshield wipers and plucked some pine needles out of them. Shoving them into his mouth, he pointed to his cheeks and bellowed, “These are really good!”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ben sighed. “So what’s my problem?”

“Your problem–,” the GLUG bellowed through a mouth full, pounding the window with his leg. “–is that you have no Christmas spirit!”

“I have plenty of Christmas spirit!” Ben snapped. “Ho ho ho!”

“See,” the GLUG chided, plucking leaves from the mirror. “That’s it right there. That’s what’s wrong with you.”

“And how are you supposed to fix it?” Ben asked. The GLUG poofed out his chest proudly and beamed, pine needle fragments sticking out from his tiny green mouth. “Because,” he shouted proudly. “I’m the Christmas Spirit Bug!”

“Oh God,” Ben muttered, smacking his head to his forehead. The GLUG slammed his face against the window and bellowed, “And I’m here to make sure you have a good Christmas!”

“How are you going to do that?” Ben cradled his head in his hands. The GLUG danced excitedly on the windshield. “By following you around and singing Christmas carols of course! Now roll down that window!”

Ben’s eyes widened in fear. He threw his car in reverse and shrieked down the driveway. Tearing down the street, he rushed to his dad’s restaurant. The GLUG wound his arms around the windshield wipers and sang in a off-key voice, “Deck the halls with boughs of hallway, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!”

As soon as Ben got out of the car, the GLUG attached himself to his sleeve. “HARK the herald, angels sing, glory to the new born KING!”

The GLUG continued to serenade Ben through breakfast and the ride home. As Ben continued about his day, the GLUG hoarsely screeched into his ear, “SILEEEEENNNNTTT NIGGHHHTTTT! HOOOLLLLLYYY NIIIGGGGHHHTT!”

At first, Ben was pretty irratated, as he should have been. But after hours of off-key singing from a beaming GLUG, he began to feel a bit of Christmas cheer. He visited with old friends, hung out with his family and spoiled Ace the Dog rotten. After awhile, he realized the GLUG was no longer singing in his ear. In fact, the GLUG was nowhere to be seen at all. Ben rushed out to his windshield, where the GLUG was lying across the windshield. He wearily lifted a leaf to his lips, chewing slowly.

“You stopped singing,”Ben said. The GLUG squeaked in reply. “I didn’t need to anymore. Besides, I lost my voice.”

Ben beamed down at the obnoxious green bug on his windshield. “Thanks, GLUG. I appreciate you trying. You really made me feel the Christmas spirit.”

“But of course,” the GLUG said arrogantly, sitting up straight. “After all, I’m the GLUG! The Ginourmous Unusual Lime-Green Gnat!” And with that, he flew into the night sky. Ben just smiled, humming to himself as the GLUG continued to screech his favorite song from the starry sky.

“Silent, night, holy night….”

The GLUG stops by for Christmas

The GLUG, the BUG, the SMUG and the HUG

Blond Duck — Wed, 09 May 2007 02:11:00 +0000

Ben was driving to work one morning when a familiar green face plastered itself against his windshield with a loud thump.

“HELLLO!!!” a familiar voice bellowed. “I’m back!”

“Hello,” Ben said unenthusiastically, carefully watching the road. The GLUG stared at him with his jaw dropped. “Excuse me!” he bellowed, waving most of his thin green arms as he clutched onto the windshield wiper. “Don’t you remember me?”

“How could I forget?” Ben asked dryly. “You’re the GLUG.”

“I’m the only GLUG,” the GLUG said arrogantly. “I’m the only Ginormous Lime-Green Unusual Gnat in the world!”

“That’s not possible,” Ben said, momentarily distracted from glaring at the other drivers. “You have to be related to someone. You have to have brothers and sisters. You couldn’t just have appeared out of the sky.”

“How do you know?” the GLUG asked, grinning idiotically at him. “Maybe I’m the GLUG of your dreams!”

“More like my nightmares,” Ben muttered.

“I’m ignoring that,” the GLUG said, inspecting under his windshield wipers. “There’s no tasty leaves!” he howled in anguish, glaring at Ben pointedly.

“Sorry,” Ben said, who did not sound sorry at all. “I washed my car.”

“No matter,” the GLUG said, a slow grin spreading over his face. “You’ve been chosen.”

“Chosen for what?” Ben stared at him in alarm.

“You’ve been chosen,” the GLUG said ominously. “You’ll meet the Three Bugs of Knowledge, who will guide you on your way.”

“My way to where?” Ben asked nervously.

“I don’t know,” the GLUG shrugged. “I’m guessing not to work, because you just missed your exit!”

Ben swore and got into the turn lane as the GLUG laughed manically. He laughed so hard, his thin green tummy moved faster than a hummingbird’s wing. “Oooh, a fly!” he cooed, delicately plucking it from the windshield wiper and popping it in his mouth. “The first bug to visit you will be the BUG.”

“How can a bug named BUG visit me?” Ben said in a sarcastic toned. “Well it’s better than being named Mildred or Zoe, don’t you think?” the GLUG said, shuddering at the thought of the horrible names. “Ta-ta now!” And with that, the GLUG floated away in the breeze.

Disturbed by the idea by meeting more talking bugs, Ben went to work and headed to his desk. When he sat down, he saw something by his computer monitor that made him gasp.

“I’m going crazy!” he whispered to himself. “I’ve gone mad! I’m loonier than Miranda’s father! This can’t be…..can it?”

To be continued……………..

The GLUG, the BUG, the SMUG and the HUG

The GLUG on Ben’s Windshield

Blond Duck — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 01:59:00 +0000

On his way to work, Ben had a strange run in with a very unusual kind of bug. The bug had a small head and a long, thick body with six legs. He was lime green and had two small wings and long antenne out of his head. He was, Ben decided, a very obnoxious bug.

The bug plastered himself to Ben’s windshield while he was driving down the highway. Rather than allow himself to be blown off, like other bugs, this particular bug clamped to Ben’s windshield wipers and sat down for a chat.

“Hello!” the bug bellowed. “Excuse me? Hello! Are you paying attention to me?”

“Are you talking to me?” Ben asked incredulously. “It’s happened,” he said to himself. “I’m finally cracking up. All those hours at work have fried my brain. I’m now talking to bugs. I’m as loony as Miranda!”

“Well who else would I be talking to?” the bug asked impatiently. “I’m not going to sit here and blabber to myself! I’m not crazy!”

“Right,” Ben muttered to himself. “You’re not crazy. I’m crazy, but you’re not.”

“So how are you?” the bug asked conversationally. “How’s your day? Where are we going?”

“To work,” Ben answered without thinking. Then he stopped and stared at the green bug lounging on the hood of his car.

“Why am I answering a bug?” he asked aloud.

“I’m not a bug,” the bug said indignantly. “I’m a GLUG.”

“What is a GLUG?” Ben asked.

“A GLUG is a Ginormous Lime green Unusual Gnat,” the bug said proudly.

“There is no such thing as ginormous,” Ben said.

“Yes there is,” the bug said, rolling his eyes. “It’s between giant and enormous. I’m too big to be a giant, but I’m a bit smaller than enormous. So I’m ginourmous. It makes perfect sense.”

Ben stared at this bug, trying to watch the bug at the same time as he drove. The bug was now munching on a leaf he had found caught in the windshield. “This is good! You got any more?” the bug asked, waving the leaf frantically at him.

“Uhhhhh..” Ben said.

“And my name is Bermuda,” the bug added.

“Why’s your name Bermuda?” Ben asked.

“Because I was born in Bermuda grass,” the bug sighed. “My parents are those type of unimaginative people who name their child after places, like Austin or Dallas. At least it wasn’t Waco!” He shuddered at the thought. “Waco would be a dreadful name. It’d be like being named Castroville or Boerne. Just weird names.”

“Right,” Ben said, not sure what to say to the blabbering bug.

“Well, I’m off,” the bug said, brushing himself off. “I’m going to catch that wind there. You take care of yourself, ok? Say hello to Miranda.”

Ben stared at Bermuda the bug. “How do you know Miranda?”

The bug waved two of his thin arms dismissively. “We all know Miranda. Take care now. Thanks for the leaf!” With that, the bug threw himself out into the wind and went flying into the breeze. Ben drove the rest of the way to work, stunned into silence. The radio roared around his ears as he tried to comprehend what he just heard.

He pulled into his parking space and pushed the call button on his phone.

“Miranda?” Ben said. “I just met a GLUG.”

The GLUG on Ben’s Windshield