A Duck In Her Pond » The Perilous Tales of the Pemberly Pet Shop

The Finale of the Perilious Tales of the Pemberely Pet Shop

Blond Duck — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 09:00:15 +0000

“So the next thing I knew, I woke up three days later without any idea what had happened.” Birdie scuffed her feet among the concrete floors, hay sneaking between her foot and sandal. “But slowly, piece by piece, it came back to me. It’s hard to explain, and it sounds so silly when I say it now.”

She looked up at her companion, who said nothing. “As you know, Mr. Pemberely had stolen the old medicine woman’s soul, trapping her in the cat after he visited her village. Well, all the animals from Mr. Pemberely’s shop and all the animals at the zoo rushed upon Mr. Pemberely and Max as the woman shot her magic into the sky. Somehow, in a big swirl of souls and magic and screams, Mr. Pemberely and Max returned to their original forms, and the old woman restored all the animals’ spirits and their urge to be free. The reason none of the animals had never left Mr. Pemberely’s shop was not because they loved him; but because he had given them a tonic that repressed their sense of adventure and urge to roam. As soon as the old medicine woman had returned it, they never returned to the shop. But you know that already.” She grinned at her companion.

“And as a skinny old man with no trace of whiskers or yellow eyes and a bitter fat executive, Mr. Pemberely and Max were run out of town by Mrs. Adams and a humiliated Junior League, where they were promptly arrested for faulty medical practices, embezzling, forged paperwork and stealing from dozens of accounts from all sorts of large important and embarrassed people. They won’t be getting out of jail for a very long time.” Birdie grinned as a bird cawed in the distance. She glanced at the clock. Only an hour until her shift at work.

“And then, as promised, the old woman restored you,” she said, stroking the long grey nose of the Zarina elephant. “Not only did she whisk you back from whatever place she hid you, but she and my mother placed a spell of protection on you. You never have to worry about anyone using you for their own fortune again.”

The elepahnt blinked her large, black eyes.

“But I think my favorite part of this whole adventure, besides meeting you, was meeting Mrs. Adams,” Birdie continued, stroking the elephant’s trunk. “Without her and the Junior League using the proceeds of the Zoobilation to purchase the zoo as a protected nature reserve and building homes for all the animals Mr. Pemberely had stole, especially all the creatures he had miniaturized.”

“And it doesn’t hurt you’re in charge of it.”

Birdie grinned and turned to the familiar voice. “You’re just bitter you didn’t get to arrest Pemberely himself and that Mr. O’Neil won a Pulitzer for the story.”

“But I did get a promotion out of it,” former Detective, now Sergeant Michaels grinned. “Which makes it a lot easier to sneak over here and see you.” He stepped aside, pointing to two of Birdie’s favorite human faces. “Speaking of seeing you, these two came down to the station and wouldn’t leave me alone until we came to visit. Apparently, they think dinner at the diner is in order.”

“You owe me fried pickles and a burger for that English paper,” Frankie reminded her, patting Zarina.

“And you owe me a milkshake and patty melt,” Percy added, shoving his glasses up on his long nose as he regarded Zarina suspiciously. The only part of the zoo Percy liked was the part that housed the old animals from the Pemberely Pet Shop.

Birdie winced. “I also told Proffessor Allright I’d buy him dinner at the diner tonight.” Her eyes twinkled as she glanced at the clock. “My shift is over at six, so we can go after that.”

“It’ll be a regular party, I’m sure,” Sergeant Micheals snorted. “Hey, is your mom still here? I need to go thank her for that tip on that commune she used to be a part of. Some of my men and I sniffed it out–those weren’t herbs in that tea, after all.”

Birdie scrunched up her face. “She might be. She’s been going to the university with dad a lot. They’re trying to develop a line of herbal products to care for the animals. When she’s not giving tours or teaching yoga classes, that’s where she’s at.”

“She’s teaching yoga?” Frankie’s eyes bugged out. “To the animals?”

Percy shoved his glasses further on his nose. “Surely she wouldn’t…I suppose she would.” He shook his head. “The mind boggles. I thought you said she didn’t like animals.”

“She didn’t,” Frankie interrupted before Birdie could reply. “But people change, I guess. My mom’s just thrilled she’s making Birdie dinner now.”

“I’m not.” Birdie made a face. “There’s only so much tofu and dates a person can stand. I’m in definite need of one of your mom’s meatloaf sandwiches.”

Frankie grinned. “She’d love that.”

“So what are you going to do now, Birdie?” Sergeant Michaels asked, his lips twitching. “Any new cases to work on?”

Zarina tapped Birdie with her long trunk, making her laugh. “Well, I guess I got to get to work, guys. I’ll see you in a couple hours. Maybe I’ll find something else to investigate.” She winked at Sergeant Michaels, who laughed, smoothing his khaki overcoat. Waving goodbye to her friends, Birdie turned to the King Charles Spaniel waiting patiently at her feet. “Well, Sassy? Ready to make our rounds?”

The dog barked, wagging her tail and making Zarina pace nervously. With an elephant on one side and her canine companion on the other, Birdie set out to do her evening rounds at the zoo.

And she couldn’t have been happier.

Stay tuned, Invisible Friends! We have a new recipe tomorrow that’s perfect for autumn and a new Butterfly Dress Friday!

The Perilious Tales of the Pemberely Pet Shop 43

Blond Duck — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 09:00:36 +0000

For previous editions, go here.

At Mrs. Adam’s announcement, chaos exploded. Junior League members leaped to their feet, screaming. Several elegant men and women began to to squabble and bicker like teenagers while a few of the larger women began to sweep pastries and appetizers into their purses, glancing about back and forth furtively.

Suddenly, Mr. Pemberely strode forward, his yellow eyes blazing through his mask. “She did it! She stole the Zarina elephant! And she kidnapped Max. Where is my Max?” His voice rose, booming over the terrified chattering of the crowd.

The crowd whirled around, glaring at Birdie. “Where is it?” Mrs. Adams demanded, stomping her foot like a child. “Where is it?”

Alone on the stage, Percy shifted back and forth, his hat slipping over. As the crowd started toward him, he backed closer and closer to the curtain.

“Where is the elephant?” Mrs. Adams shouted, waving her arms. “This is bad luck! You’re ruining the good luck the elephant of Zarina brought to our town!”

“You’re ruining everything!” Mr. Pemberely shouted, his composure slipping as much as his mask. “You’re ruining my plans too”– He stopped, swallowing his words.

“Ruining what?” Birdie turned and the crowd gasped. For Birdie’s eyes were not the eyes of a junior high girl. They were the eyes of an old woman, a child, a spirit…and glowing yellow. Overhead, the wind howled as leaves swirled around the feet of the guests.

“Ruined the lives of animals?” Birdie shouted, her voice not her own. Instead, a deeper voice, an older, more powerful voice, a old woman’s voice; that voice addressed the silent crowd, gaping at her in fear and shocked respect. “Ruined the life of my tribe, of people all over the country? Ruined the souls of innocent animals, trapping them in your room and turning them into experiments?”

“No, no!” Mr. Pemberely shook his head, the mask falling to the ground with the clatter. The crowd gasped, a space appearing around him as people leaped back at his strange face. “You don’t understand. I want to help them! I want to give them a home! I want to be their friend! I want to show them love, acceptance!” His eyes narrowed. “I want to give them what you never gave me!” he spat. “I want to give them what you promised me!”

“And that’s why you go from town to town, collecting animals,” the old woman roared through Birdie. “You collect souls like a theif! The souls of nature, the purest souls of all! The souls of animals! And to fund it, you turn lonely people into freaks!”

“I give them the gift I’ve always dreamed of! The gift of being free!” Mr. Pemberely screamed. “That’s what I was going to give Zarina, and all the animals here! But you had to spoil it!”

“Your dog Max spoiled it for all of us!” Birdie shouted as the wind roared around her. “He spoiled it with his greed, with his cruel dreams! And you spoiled it for yourself, letting your own doubts and fears ruin the lives of hundreds!” The yellow eyes narrowed as the wind howled, the leaves slamming against the terrified guests like foliage bullets. “But now, Pemberely, you will pay. You will pay.”

After that, everything became a swirling mass of confusion and chaos. Birdie’s mother screamed as Detective Michaels roared, “Mr. Pemberely, you’re under arrest…” Cameras flashed as Mr. O’Neil shouted questions and Mrs. Adams fainted…

But for Birdie, none of it made sense. Because for Birdie, the world had gone black.

Stay tuned for the final edition of the Perilous Tales of the Pemberely Pet Shop, which will appear Nov. 3 after Halloween Week! Tomorrow, we have a delectable fall recipe and Friday, a new Butterfly Dress!

In the mood for Halloween? Check out our new Halloween story on Saturday! Stay tuned, Invisible Friends!

The Perilious Tales of the Pemberely Pet Shop 42

Blond Duck — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 09:00:16 +0000

For previous editions, go here.

Flinging her cape behind her, Birdie beamed as the curtain rose. “Ladies and Gentlemen!” she cried. “I give you, the Great Percy and the Magnificent Birdie, animal magicians extraordinare!”

Behind her, Percy mumbled, “Great fakes is more like it.”

“Shut up!” Birdie hissed under her breath. “Let’s get on with it!”

“Detective Michaels is in position!” Mr. O’Neil whispered from the side of the stage, gasping with alarm as half of his sandwich dribbled down his shirt. “Oh dear.”

Plastering a smile on her face, Birdie led Percy through their act. First, they made birds fly out of Percy’s hat, much to the delight of the crowd. Next, they turned one kitten into five, earning coos and warm smiles from the junior league ladies. They turned a scarf into a rabbit, made Sassy appear to float over the stage and had a fish swimming in the air and a bird flying in a fish tank.

And finally, time for the big event. Birdie nodded at Detective Michaels, standing discretely by the tent. Behind her, Mr. O’Neil coughed, his signal that he was ready.

She could feel Percy shifting beside her, perspiration staining his white shirt and leaving damp splotches.

“Ready?” she whispered.

“Ready.” His voice squeaked, and his cheeks flamed as he hid his eyes.

Stepping forward, Birdie raised her arms and smiled. “Mr. Pemberely, might I borrow your dog Max?” She winked at Mrs. Adams. “I’d like to repeat my previous trick.”

“Oh yes!” Mrs. Adams cried, who liked drama of any sort and liked feeling as if she knew things others didn’t. “Please do!”

Birdie remained on stage, holding out her hand. “Mr. Pemberely?”

With all eyes on him, Mr. Pemberely swallowed. Beneath his thick mask to disguise his cat-like features, Birdie saw his eyes shift. Beside him, Max growled a warning.

“Please, Mr. Pemberely!” Mrs. Adams called. “After all, it is Zoobilation!”

Relenting, Mr. Pemberely smiled. “Of course. Max would be happy to do it.”

Max was not happy to do it. He wriggled and barked, growled and kicked and clawed every step of the way as Mr. Pemberely struggled to the stage. Dropping the violent bulldog in Birdie’s arms, Mr. Pemberely straightened his mussed suit and returned to his seat. Birdie glanced to the right, catching her mother’s eye. She winked and nodded.

Handing the squirming and snarling dog to a terrified Percy, Birdie flung her arms in the air. “Abracadabra pajama banana mamjanmba!” she cried, flinging her cheap plastic wand towards the snarling bull dog. Tossing a cape over both Percy and the bulldog, she repeated her magic cry, closing her eyes. Purple smoke exploded around Percy with a blast of white light. Gasping, the audience watched as Percy emerged from the cape, coughing and blinking beneath his thick glasses.

Max was no where to be seen.

“And now, to complete my trick…” Birdie hopped off stage, her cape streaming behind her as she ran past the transfixed audience. Posing next to the deflated looking elephant of Zarina, she smiled. “I will switch Max and Zarina! He will appear in her cage, while she will appear onstage!”

Cries and gasps popped up among the audience.

“Can she do that?”

“Is it possible?”

“It must be a trick!”

“Where did the dog go?”

“She can’t really do that. Can she?”

With a secret smile, Birdie flung a giant black sheet over the cage. Tugging it down with the help of her mother and Detective Michaels, she paused next to the cage. “Ready, Percy?” she called.

Percy rubbed his glasses on his shirt and shoved them back on his face. “Uh, ready,” he cried, flushing as the audience glanced at him.

Flinging up her arms, Birdie glanced at the sky and cried, “Stars and moons, wind and rain! Bring Max back to us again! Abracadabra banana pajama macarena!” Clapping her hands, she closed her eyes.

The wind grew, whistling around them as leaves began to swirl around ladies’ heels and the gentlemen’s gleaming shoes. Lightening streaked across a clear sky and thunder crackled in the air.

Those close enough to Birdie shuddered when they saw her eyes. For a moment, they looked just like a yellow cat’s.

Flinging off the cover, Birdie posed, a wide grin on her face. “Ta-da!”

Save for one furious bulldog, the cage was empty. Glancing at the stage, the audience sucked in their breath. Only Percy, looking sheepish and clutching his hand with his long pale fingers, stood there.

Mrs. Adams stood up and screamed.

“The Zarina elephant! It’s gone!”

Stay tuned, Invisible Friends! We have a delicious new recipe and a new Butterfly Dress coming up, along with our new Halloween tale! Stay tuned!

The Perilious Tales of the Pemberely Pet Shop 41

Blond Duck — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 09:00:11 +0000

For previous editions, go here.

Birdie shifted from one foot to the other, drawing the cloak closer around her. She peered through the curtains, her foot tapping the stone ground betraying her anxiety. Behind her, Percy fiddled with his own cloak, his hat slipping down his forehead every few moments until it plopped against his glasses, only to have Percy shove it back up again.

If this had been a real magic act, Birdie would have been humiliated.

“How is everything?” Mr. O’Neil hissed from his hiding post behind the curtain.

“So far, so good.” Birdie whispered back. “Mrs. Abigail Adams is leading Detective Michaels around, introducing him to all the ladies of the junior league. Mr. Pemberely is oogling the tent where the Zarina elephant is supposed to be, and my mom is leading a bunch of society women in a chanting circle.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think she’s even acting. She’s probably forgot all about the plan.”

Percy tugged at his collar, his eyes large behind his thick glasses. “Are you sure this is going to work?” he whispered. “How do you know so much about the Zarina elephant, anyway? And do you really believe Mr. Pemberely…”

“Shh!” Birdie hissed, one hand flying back and waving at him. “Shh! Something’s happening!”

Through the curtain, Birdie watched as Mrs. Adams clapped her hands. “Gentlemen! Ladies!” she cried, an enourmous red hat peppered with everything from flowers to bell peppers to a cockeyed fake cocatoo on her hat. “Welcome to the Zoobilation!”

A smattering of quiet applause followed her proclamation as several ladies in cocktail dresses and men in tuxes found their chairs.

“We have a wonderful program to entertain you this evening,” Mrs. Adams cried, her cheeks pink with excitement. “From magic to a woman who can read into our souls”–

Birdie suppressed a groan as her mother, fully emitting Willow Lake in every inch of her hippie-granola attire, stood and waved.

“–This Zoobilation will truly be magic,” Mrs. Adams continued. “But before we begin tonight’s entertainment, I know you’re all curious to see our guest of honor.”

“Here we go,” Birdie whispered.

“Here we go what?” Percy’s eyelashes fluttered and his top hat smacked into his glasses with a thud.

“From the forests of the East, she has come,” Mrs. Adams bellowed, her arms waving wildly around her exuberant hat. “With magic in every inch of her wrinkled skin, this amazing animal is a legend!”

“She needs a better speechwriter,” Mr. O’Neil muttered, grimacing. “She’s terrible.”

“Shh!” Birdie hissed, practically tumbling out of the curtain as she strained to listen.

“Birdie”– Percy whimpered, struggling with his glasses, which had entangled on the silk band on his hat.

“Shh!” Birdie leaned forward, the satin curtains wrapped tightly in her fingers.

“She’s cured disease, brought prosperity to utter poverty and turned gold from grey river rocks,” Mrs. Adams bellowed, her wildly gesturing elbow knocking over her fake cockatoo, who surveyed the crowd sideways from her hat. “Imagine what she can do for our fair town! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the elephant of Zarina!”

The silken tent flew up with the discrete pull of a golden cord, and the crowd gasped. Mr. O’Neil peeked through the edge of the curtain and laughed.

“Magic elephant,” he snorted. “It looks absolutely miserable.”

Birdie stared at the sad little elephant staring at the crowd with wide, frightened eyes. It’s tail drooped and it’s ears hung in unenthusiastic folds, it’s trunk dragging along the ground in its golden cage. Curling her fingers into fists, rage pumped through her.

No matter what happened tonight, she’d make sure Zarina was free. Pemberely would never get ahold of her.

“Isn’t she lovely?” Mrs. Adams cried, preening. “Isn’t she grand?”

Cameras flashed and people crowded closer as the elephant cowered towards the corner.

“You must get back!” Willow Lake, normally known as Birdie’s mother, shouted. “Someone is hurting her aura and turning it black! She’s scared!”

If Birdie had tried to tell a crowd of society members that, they would have laughed at her. Because Willow Lake said it, they leaped back, cooing at the elephant.

“Birdie”– Percy wailed, desperately trying to separate his glasses and top hat from their wild embrace.

“And now,” Mrs. Adams shouted, sensing she would soon loose the crowd’s interest, “Now for our first performance. Ladies and gentemen, I give you, the magic team of the century! Birdie and Percy!”

Leaping back, Birdie jammed her own top hat on her head. “Showtime!” Whirling around, she rolled her eyes in exasperation and reached forward, yanking Percy’s glasses and top hat apart. “Percy, this is no time for games.”

Percy glared at her sullenly, remaining that way as the curtain parted. Turning to the crowd, Birdie grinned.

They had never seen a magic show like they were about to see.

Stay tuned, Invisible Friends! We have a new recipe tomorrow and a new Butterfly Dress story Friday!